Officially on the Last Step

At 4:30 this morning we received an email from our caseworker Jynger telling us news we've waited weeks to hear. Asha's passport has been applied for, and we are one step away from travel! We don't know how long it will take the passport office in Kolkata to issue the passport. For some families it has taken 12 days, for some 4 weeks or longer. As we paused to take in this information, Kirk and I noticed an interesting phenomenon. We are hesitant to really celebrate. We feel wary of good news, almost disbelieving. We kept saying to one another, "Is it for sure? Are we really on the last step?" I realized that I didn't really take in how powerful it is that we are done with the court process, that Asha is legally our daughter. I watch the video of her everyday, and cannot believe she is ours, and we hers. It's almost unfathomable. Part of this disbelief is that so much of this process is happening thousands of miles away, and I have no impact on it. I have a daughter, but I've never met her. When asked if I am a parent, I am caught between feeling very much like a mom, and yet never having parented Asha physically. I will say, that I've never worried so much about another person as much as I worry for Asha. And I send her love and nurturing on a daily basis. Could it really be that in a few weeks I may be able to hold her?

More than joy, relief is what we feel with this passport news. I am hoping joy will be the overriding emotion when we find out the passport is in the hands of Ms. Roy, the director of the children's home, and we can book our tickets. Our itinerary is set, our visas obtained, our bags set out, and medications are purchased. We really could leave on a moments notice. Here's hoping the next time I post, it is to tell all of you when we are flying out to meet our sweet Asha!!