Article 5 At Last

Pictures from a May visit to the children's home

Our friend April (Alesha's Mommy) holding Asha and telling her how much we love her.

Love that happy, hand in mouth smile!

Yes, that's correct, last night we received our Article 5!!! We are relieved and ever so grateful. The US Embassy in Delhi will now send our Article 5 letter, stating that we are fit to adopt Asha, to CARA. One step closer, one step closer.

I am constantly amazed at this process we are in, and the way it is changing us and preparing us for parenthood. Often when I talk to others about this journey, and my longing for Asha, they say that I am very patient, or handling the stress well. Most of the time, I DO NOT feel patient at all. In fact, I'm realizing that I'm engaged in an interesting emotional cycle. I start off feeling centered, I have perspective on the process and the length of time we will need to wait. I think about Asha, but my angst level is low. I know she is ok, I know I will hold her soon. I focus on the waiting time as time to get ready. I complete tasks, test paint colors, read books on adoption. I walk through life feeling calm amidst the everyday chaos of my life. I envision our travels to India, and that first time that I will see my daughter's face. And then something shifts, and this can be triggered by actually moving forward in the adoption process, or by not moving forward at all. Without my awareness, my angst stealthily increases. I find myself a little bit more frustrated with setbacks, because we are that much closer to Asha. I develop a chronic, mild agitation. I find myself wanting to talk about the adoption less, because I don't want to focus too much on my frustration, my sadness. I have moments of calm, but they begin to feel few and far between. I start to check my email compulsively, and I begin a behavior that has never brought about any positive outcomes. I fret. And I am angsty. The discontent, the yearning, continue to grow. All the while I am caught up in emotion, not really realizing how my calmness has morphed into an unpleasant yuckiness. I feel short with myself, and those around me. When I check an email, and I don't see a response, I fight the urge to cry. I feel a tinge of hopelessness. And that's when I know. The yuckiness has me. I have crossed over some imaginary line and I must begin the process of dragging myself out. Awareness comes first, and then relief, because once I see the big picture of what is happening, there is a release. And the shift occurs again. I remind myself that it is not the process itself that is stressful, it is my reaction to the process. I talk to Kirk, call my family, remember April's wise words that I am only seeing a sliver of God's plan for my life. It's like I take a hold of all the strings flowing out of me, all the energy and yearning, and I pull them in, back to my core. I regroup. Each time I catch myself more quickly, recognize with a finer perception what is happening for me. I see this struggle within me as a source of strength, because it connects me to parts of myself that are hard to sit with, and continually reminds me of what is greater than me. I have felt more connected to God and my spirituality through this process of longing for, and loving, our Asha.

On a fun note, we paint Asha's room this Saturday! After three test swatches, we choose a beautiful lilac color. Asha's crib has arrived as well, thanks to a generous gift from my Grandma. In two weeks my mom comes to visit, and will help me wash and sort all the lovely clothes my sister gave me for Asha. Maybe we'll pick out a dresser as well. I will be sure to take pictures and post them!