This past weekend Kirk and I had the opportunity to meet a family who brought their daughter home from India about 8 months ago. Their daughter, Z, spent the first 14 months of her life in the same orphanage our daughter will come from. I have followed this family's blog for months and have gained tremendous insight from their openness and willingness to share. So to meet them, and to see Z, was just amazing! Z is a sweet, tiny little girl with a big personality. She was shy when we first arrived at her home, and her mom informed us that this was actually a good thing. Upon first bringing Z home to California, she had no concept of who her caretakers were. She would run off or sit in anyone's lap, always trying to assure that someone would take care of her. Part of the attaching process for Z has been to become appropriately hesitant when meeting new people. I had always imagined that our daughter's attachment issues would take the shape of withdrawl. It was good for me to understand how these issues can manifest in so many different ways. Meeting this family reminded me to trust my intuition when it comes to parenting. What I really need to do, is pay close attention and meet our daughter where she is. It seems to be a lot of trial and error, and I have to be ok with that. They reminded us that everything is a phase, so if a particular behavior feels especially torturous, it will be over soon and replaced by something new.
I just really enjoyed seeing this family interact. Z hugged her parents, played with her toys, and wanted to try everything we were eating. At one point, she climbed up on my lap and held my face so I could only look at her. I remember doing that to my favorite Aunt Maria when I was little! Z stood on my lap and stared at me for a long time. I held her around her little belly and felt how strong she was. At one point, she climbed up and sat on Kirk's lap. I remember looking over and thinking, this is what Kirk will look like when he holds our daughter. When we left, Z gave us hugs and kisses goodbye. I hope we can stay connected to this special family. I can already feel the importance for us as prospective parents to communicate and receive support from other adoptive parents. Z's parents spoke about the difficulty of others not always understanding why they were approaching parenting in a specific way. Internationally adopted children have specific, at times unusual, needs and I think it will be comforting to be around people who innately understand. I also want our daughter to stay connected to other children from her same orphanage. As she develops her cultural identity, I want her to have strong roots to where she came from.
Oh, and by the way, we're number 6....
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